Chimpanzees are fascinating animals. They share 98% of their DNA with us humans, making them our closest cousins among all the species on the planet. They’re incredibly smart, capable of working with tools, communicating using sign language and vocalizations, and solving problems.
And what’s cooler than walking alongside a chimp when you’re out and about?
How about keeping your face firmly attached to your skull? Or not having your limbs damaged beyond repair? Or being, you know, not dead?
The fact of the matter is that chimps make atrocious pets. Sure, they can be friendly. But they can also turn on you on a dime.
Read on to find out why it’s a bad idea to keep pet chimpanzees!
7 Reasons Why Chimpanzees Make Bad Pets
So why do chimpanzees make bad pets? Let’s find out!
1. They’re wild animals
Our pet dogs and cats are sweet and affectionate because we’ve domesticated them – a process that took us thousands upon thousands of years.
In contrast, chimpanzees remain wild. While it’s true undomesticated animals can be friendly toward humans, they’re less likely to stay calm during stressful situations. And because they’re still largely controlled by wild instincts, they can be rather unpredictable and even dangerous. Which brings us to…
2. They can kill you
A young chimp is not only cute but also docile and affectionate. The moment it reaches sexual maturity, however, the natural urge to climb the social dominance hierarchy emerges, resulting in aggressive behavior.
In a vast majority of cases, angry dogs will hold themselves back from hurting a human being. Don’t expect the same restraint from a chimp; if they want to bite or punch you, they will. In the wild, these animals engage in bloody, brutal conflict, leading to ripped-up faces, torn fingers, mutilated testicles, and even death. In short, violence is in the chimpanzee’s nature.
What makes things scarier is the fact that chimps have around 1.5 times more power than humans when it comes to pulling and jumping. They can not only lift up to 440 pounds but also throw something that heavy around 2 meters. The strength of their legs is 14 times greater than their arms’. All this means chimps can easily overpower even the strongest among us.
Chimpanzees also have a bite force of 1,300 psi (pounds per square inch), which is stronger than a bear’s! If those powerful jaws wrap around your arm… say goodbye to that arm.
In addition, chimps are much heavier than common house pets, weighing from 150 to 220 pounds. A chimp that’s going berserk will be exceedingly hard to get under control.
If you want to know the kind of damage these animals are capable of, check out the story of Charla Nash, who lost her hands and face in 2009 when her friend’s pet chimp, Travis, viciously attacked her. She isn’t the only person to be mauled by these creatures, however; the last decade alone saw more than 100 chimpanzee attacks that left people dead or horribly disfigured.
3. They require a specialized diet
You won’t find chimpanzee food at pet stores. You won’t find it in the grocery or supermarket, either. Unlike dog and cat food, the food chimps eat isn’t readily available where people live.
In the wild, these animals enjoy access to almost 100 different types of food, allowing them to feed on various flowers, leaves, and meats to gain the nutrients they need to stay healthy. Replicating such a rich, varied diet is impossible for someone living in a civilized society. Not to mention you’ll be robbing your pet chimp of the physical and mental stimulation they experience whenever they forage or hunt for food.
A pet chimp can therefore end up suffering from poor nutrition. This will, in turn, make them more prone to illnesses, diseases, and mental health concerns such as boredom and anxiety – all issues that can harm their quality of life and even cut their life expectancy short.
4. They need lots of space
If your house isn’t around 2,500 square feet or larger, don’t even think about getting yourself a pet chimpanzee. To be happy and comfortable, these animals need an environment that gives them as much space as their natural habitat.
Chimpanzee communities typically occupy a territory covering between 5 and 30 miles. However, when looking for food, they also travel great distances away from home, sometimes reaching as far as 50 miles. If a chimp can’t enjoy this much freedom, it can become unhappy – and an unhappy chimp is a dangerous one.
You can, of course, place a chimp in a cage. But that’s exceedingly cruel and will only do great harm to both their body and mind. If they ever get out, be prepared for a fight you’ll very likely lose.
5. They’re ridiculously expensive
We’ve established that chimps need plenty of space to live and roam around in. That means you’ll have to build an enormous enclosure for them – and that’s going to cost you thousands upon thousands of dollars. Don’t forget you’ll need expensive equipment and manpower to ensure such a structure is regularly maintained.
How about the food they eat? As previously mentioned, chimps need to eat a wide range of foods to stay healthy. To ensure your pet stays in optimum health, you’ll have to purchase all sorts of edibles, preferably importing some from the region your pet was taken from. Again, that’s going to cost you an exorbitant amount of cash.
And then you have veterinary services. There aren’t many people trained to treat chimps, so you’ll have to seek the assistance of specialized vets, such as those who treat animals in zoos or wildlife sanctuaries. Such vets are rare, and any you do find will likely be too preoccupied with their full-time job to help you with your problem. So if you’re serious about keeping a pet chimp, ensure you live near a chimp veterinarian who’s willing to spare time for your pet. Otherwise, you’ll have to travel huge distances to visit a specialist every time your pet needs a medical examination or treatment.
In addition to all that, you’ll have to spend money on toys and activities to give your pet the physical and mental stimulation they need to stay happy.
Lastly, chimpanzees live long lives – around 50 to 60 years. That’s a long commitment and an immense financial investment. Expect the expenditures to skyrocket once your pet reaches its golden years and starts requiring regular medical attention.
6. They may be disease carriers
Because chimpanzees and humans are so closely related, the former can pass diseases to the latter. Keeping an infected pet chimp raises the risk of contracting these diseases.
Chimpanzees are known carriers of several diseases that are harmful to humans, such as tuberculosis, herpes B virus, and hepatitis B. They can even infect us with deadlier diseases, including H5N1 avian flu a.k.a. bird flu and HIV/AIDS.
7. They suffer because of trafficking
In the wild, young chimps remain under the care of their mothers until they’re around five years old. Criminals who make money in the illegal trade of chimps usually steal these babies, killing their mothers and any other chimpanzees who attempt to stop the theft. Chimpanzees are endangered animals, so every death is a huge blow to the species.
Without a mother and a family, a chimpanzee infant can’t learn the life skills it needs to survive in the wild as well as the social skills necessary to have healthy interactions with others of its kind. For these reasons, this individual can never be returned to its natural habitat and will be forced to live a long, less-than-ideal life in captivity.
Is It Ethical to Keep a Pet Chimpanzee?
When you keep a chimpanzee as a pet, you deprive it of the life it would’ve had in the wild – the kind of life its species evolved to be accustomed to. It won’t be able to eat what it’s meant to eat. It won’t be able to enjoy the physical and mental stimulation of foraging, hunting, and socializing with others of its kind.
Speaking of socialization, chimpanzees are social animals. They need to be with other chimpanzees to be happy. Taking one away from its community can result in depression and other health concerns.
In other words, chimps in captivity are less healthy and happy than those that never leave their natural habitat.
Chimpanzees, along with gorillas and bonobos, are now considered endangered. They’re already extinct in Benin, Burkina Faso, Gambia, and Togo – four of the 25 countries they used to call home. Today, there are only between 172,000 and 300,000 chimps remaining in the wild. Estimates say these numbers will drop a further 80% in the coming 30 to 40 years. When you take a chimp away from its community, you contribute to the species’ decline.
Lastly, there’s the question of whether or not it’s right to allow people to have such potentially dangerous pets. Remember, even the most docile chimpanzee can hurt you and/or those around you if it becomes agitated.
Is It Legal to Own a Pet Chimpanzee?
At present, none of the U.S.’ federal laws forbid the purchase and sale of chimpanzees born outside the African continent after 1976. Thankfully, many state laws do illegalize the trade of chimpanzees.
The few states that permit the sale and purchase of chimpanzees include Alabama, Idaho, Kansas, and Texas. You’ll need to acquire special licenses and permits before you can be allowed to take a chimp home, however – not to mention you’ll need to prove that you have the means to care for it. Of course, all that paperwork is going to cost you.
How to Survive a Chimpanzee Attack
What if a chimpanzee attacks you? Remember, these creatures are stronger than humans, so trading fists with one is going to be an uphill battle for you. And as they’re also faster than humans, outrunning an enraged chimp may prove a bit of a problem, as well.
The good news is that it’s possible to survive a chimpanzee attack. You may get your face ripped off, but hey, it’s better than dying.
Below are some tips on what to do if a pet chimp turns on you.
1. Smile
Primates consider a display of clenched teeth a sign of submission, so put those teeth together and draw those lips apart. If you’re lucky, the chimp may decide you’re not worth the trouble and let you live.
Make sure, however, not to open your mouth when showing your teeth. To chimpanzees, this is a signal that you’re eager to fight them for dominance, which can urge your pet to attack you.
2. Use weapons
If the chimp presses the attack, keep in mind that surviving a hand-to-hand fight is going to be exceptionally tough. If you try to punch it, it can seize your hands and tear your fingers off. And with a bite force stronger than a bear’s, any part of you it puts into its mouth will be destroyed.
Deter an attacking chimp by reaching for the nearest things and throwing them at it. If there’s anything long and sturdy lying nearby, such as a baseball bat or a golf club, use it to keep as much distance between you and the chimp as possible. You don’t want it getting anywhere near your face, privates, and vital organs. If all else fails, you can try kicking your pet, but know this is extremely likely to get you hurt.
3. Don’t stop moving
While you must get away from your rampaging chimpanzee as quickly as possible, it’s probably not a good idea to turn your back on it and run. Remember, these creatures are faster than us, so it’ll likely just catch you and demolish you.
Keep your weapon between you and your chimp while backing away as quickly as you can while looking for a way to escape your situation. Don’t stop, as this can give it the opportunity it needs to catch you.
4. Hide behind a barrier
If you can, rush into a room and lock the door behind you, then call an emergency number for help. If you can hide behind a metal gate, even better.
Make sure the barrier is sturdy, however, as anything flimsy won’t be able to withstand a chimpanzee’s massive strength.
5. Jump into water
Chimpanzees can swim – they’re just not very good at it. If you have a pool or live near a body of water, dive into it and swim away from your pet. If they do jump in after you, just keep moving until it tires itself out.
Conclusion
Chimpanzees make terrible pets. They’re wild and potentially dangerous. They require a special diet to stay healthy and lots of space to be happy. They’re expensive to maintain and can infect you with serious diseases. They don’t even get to enjoy their lives to the fullest in captivity, so why keep them as pets?
These animals are endangered, and the wildlife trafficking that seeks to satisfy the demand for such exotic pets only contributes to their suffering. If we aren’t careful, they can vanish from the planet within a couple of generations. After all the suffering we’ve caused wild animals, it’s only right that we do everything we can to keep chimpanzees safe – and we can start doing that by letting them live as they’re meant to live in their natural habitat.